Happy Russian Women?

Place: At the computer, in a dark bedroom, in the middle of a quiet American neighborhood Time: After midnight, close to sunrise Mission: Spice up your monotonous suburban life with some international intrigue.

Photo by Julia Borodina, www.eliara.com

Russia’s 70-year experience with communism, by no means a walk in the park, naturally forfeited, for both men and women, any questions concerning the right to vote. Nevertheless, the system did provide some attractive perks that helped to advance the condition of women without the need for unsightly marches and protests.

Communism, despite some nutty megalomaniacs, made no distinction between the sexes when it came to receiving an education. And upon graduation, Soviet men and women (with some glaring exceptions in favor of the males, easily discernible on May Day on the top of Lenin’s mausoleum in Red Square, and even more visibly in the kitchen) enjoyed equal opportunities. A heavily subsidized educational system, complete with daycare centers for infants and children, gave both the mother and the father the freedom to advance themselves. In some strange ways, communism was a boon for the females and a bust for the men.

Russian women ran a totally different social gauntlet than their female counterparts in the West. And now it must be asked: is ‘domestic politics’ between the sexes in Russia healthier today for the experience? Russian men and women enjoy a natural, fluid relationship that requires no special Women’s History college course to comprehend. Yes, Russians could chuckle through a self-help book like, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, but chances are they would never feel the need to write it.

Moreover, Russian females seem to feel completely at ease with themselves, and more importantly, their femininity. The female body is not concealed like a horrible scar, but rather decorated, accentuated and put on parade for every eye to behold. Nobody will point and stare at a woman in Russia for exposing a bit too much leg. In Russia, if you’ve got it, there is absolutely no problem to flaunt it. An object of male desire? Undoubtedly. But somehow Russian women manage to navigate the slippery road of being attractive without sliding into the wall of oppression. They are at the controls of their womanhood and the miniskirt and high heels only adds to the sense of their feminine powers that no man has been able to fully explain. Oppressed? Don’t bet on it.

Okay, back to the dinner.

Photo by Ildar Gumerov

The Russian woman sitting across the table from you understands very well the price of a dinner, at least from her end of the bargain. According to female insiders, she will spend at least three hours in front of the mirror applying her makeup, seven hours shopping for shoes, three days finding a dress and five days with little or no food to fit into it. Add to all that the price of a pedicure, manicure and trip to the hairdressers. In other words, don’t be surprised if your date arrives looking like a million bucks. Be forewarned: with all of this tedious preparations she will arrive very fashionably late for the date. But as Holden Caulfield accurately observed in J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye, “If a girl looks swell when she meets you, who gives a damn if she’s late? Nobody.”

Alright, the battle lines for the night have been drawn, each side has their ammunition on the table – the man his credit card, the woman her beauty. At this point in the game there can be no discussion whatsoever concerning money, i.e. the cost of the dinner. And please remember this is not Amsterdam, so set aside any notions of ‘going Dutch’ on the check. But if you dare try, she will sneer and fork over half, but it is pretty much guaranteed you will never see her again.

So, if you ever have the unforgettable experience of taking a Russian woman to dinner, it is strongly advised that you bring along your credit card collection – bronze, gold, double-platinum; yes, just bring them all. Travelers checks, too. Maybe even your father’s mobile phone number in case you need a quick cash transfusion from Western Union. Perhaps as punishment for all the work this date has cost her, and regardless of how skinny the girl is, she will order enough food from the menu to sustain the Russian Army for a week, with a doggy bag to spare. And the fact that cases of obesity are practically unheard of in Russia makes the Russian woman’s humongous appetite all the more unexplainable. Perhaps they only eat a full meal on dinner dates, I really don’t know.

Okay, so this leads us into the neighborhood of the $50 million dollar question: Are Russian women materialistic? Yes, of course they are. After all, they are women, and I can’t think of a single place in the world where the sight of a mall does not cause heart palpitations in the female species. However, given the fact that Russian women were denied the thrill of shopping for French perfume and German cars for seven long decades certainly has had no small affect on their appreciation for earthly stuff. It would be safe to say that Russian women spend the great majority of their disposable income on perfume and clothes, and the number of specialty boutiques in Moscow would seem to prove that point.

So let’s imagine that the date was a stunning success and it’s time to say goodnight to Natasha. First, although the metro (subway) is a very convenient form of public transportation in the Russian capital, as well as in other Russian cities, it is better to blow your last rubles on a taxi ride. Her feet, already bleeding inside of tortuous high heels, will appreciate the thought.

Naturally, throughout the course of the ride, you may be asking yourself: ‘Oh boy, what happens next?’ Then you will start to rehash all those wild sex stories involving Russian women that you possibly read about in the eXile [a now defunct alternative newspaper that was devoted to the seedier side of life in Russia] or some other equally reliable source. So are the rumors about Russian women true? Is it easier for a man to ‘have a good time’ in Russia than in other places? Since I am a gentleman, a mere male, I will leave that very delicate question to a Russian lady to answer (see last section for a full response to this article by a Russian female).