The Moscow Film Festival came to an end on Sunday, having its official awards assigned.

Being someone who spent a whole ten days in the cinema – thankfully Moscow’s weather was not sunny at all, so I didn’t waste much from our scanty summer – I still managed to watch not more than 10% of the festival.

Overall the MIFF featured little less than 400 works. Many of those films – for better or worse – don’t deserve to go unnoticed.

I will dwell upon the details and the trends of the festival in my future posts, now some alternative awarding is in order:

Voltaire’s award for the most sarcastic movie language (Russia is the country of Eisenstein so we use expressions like “movie language” a lot, sorry) – $9.99;

James Joyce’s prize for the most unencrypted of the failed attempts to set up a communication between an author and his audience – A Lake;

Vinnie Jones’s prize for the most outstandingly seamless celebrity appearance in a movie – Eric Cantona in Looking for Eric;

Bea Arthur’s award for the most charming female actress that might, with any luck, avoid appearing nude in male magazines – Martina Gedeck in Geliebte Clara;

Trainspotting’s memorial pellet for the most remarkable movie centered around drugs – Skrapp út;

The Passion of the Christ’s award for the most suffering that had to be endured by the protagonist – Kaméleon;

Chuck Palahniuk’s prize for the most sober view on corporate world – Tutta la vita davanti;

Hideo Kojima’s award for most innovative and dramatic assessment of war – Bonded Parallels;

Andy Warhol’s lifetime achievement award for the most undeservedly popular artist who doesn’t deserve any mentioning whatsoever, as all his work does nothing apart from taking advantage of cultural immaturity of most of his audience again and again – someone whom I will not mention here (as he doesn’t deserve any mentioning – see above), confining myself to an observation that Danish culture can do better than this ridiculously overrated director;

Adam Lambert’s relic for the most pathetic attempt to replace artwork with a fashion and/or political statement – Ivan Vyrypaev for Kislorod.