Covid and QAnon conspiracy theorists are deluded, dangerous and dumb BUT they're created by governments acting conspiratorially

Andrew Dickens is an award-winning writer on culture, society, politics, health and travel for major titles such as the Guardian, the Telegraph, the Independent, the Daily Mail and Empire.

4 Sep, 2020 06:43

Covid and QAnon conspiracy theorists are hitting the headlines with some outlandish, illogical and potentially dangerous notions. But why do these people exist? Because governments and corporations act conspiratorially.

We all love a good conspiracy theory. Enemy of the State is probably in my top 10 films ever. A masterful blend of action, twists and the Fresh Prince taking on Angelina Jolie’s dad with the help of Lex Luthor. RIP Tony Scott. 

It is, however, a film. A work of fiction. Much like most of the theories espoused by the ‘Covid hoax’ devotees and ‘QAnon’ enthusiasts who have, incredibly, garnered a large slice of attention recently, not least when many of them attended anti-lockdown protests in London and Berlin. Oh, and when the president of the United States of America in desperation alluded to ‘people in dark shadows’.

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And yes, I realise that I’m paying these Believers attention by writing this, but bear with me. Because I have, if not necessarily sympathy, a reason for their existence.

Allow me to be clear. It’s a very good thing to question governments, media narratives, teachers, bosses, things your parents tell you, and so on. And not all things labelled conspiracy theories are untrue. Even some that aren’t true at least take a bit of effort to disprove. However, many of the current theories du jour are the proverbial fish in a barrel when it comes to debunking.

You can find a million facile take-downs of the Q theories, which basically amount to the fevered, paranoid sex dreams of right-wingers who struggle to cope with real life. Yes, dears, Satanic paedophiles are controlling the planet while simultaneously banging out some Dwayne Johnson blockbusters and delicious pizzas. But don’t worry, because a sexually predatory reality TV show host turned-president will flush them out. Just sit tight.

Whichever wag decided to post as ‘Q’ is probably still laughing incredulously at the number of poor mugs who have bitten.

Newer to the game, but with some crossover, is Team Covid. They’ve arrived in style, too, with notions of varying possibility. It’s one thing to question the efficacy of masks and death-recording methodologies, of course, but they have some Grade A stuff, too: The ‘Bill Gates is going to put a microchip in every vaccine shot’ camp, the 5G-blamers and, of course, the outright deniers. It’s all a hoax to them. A big global con. One that involves, the way I see it: 

  1. Every nation on Earth, from Sweden to North Korea, including many sworn enemies, conspiring together without leaving a smidgen of evidence.

  2. The governments of these countries doing this even though it has been almost universally bad for their reputations and economies.

  3. These governments introducing lockdown measures that are hugely unpopular.

  4. All healthcare workers joining in.

  5. Random people pretending to have the virus and some voluntarily dying for the cause.

At my school, when kids came up with utterly unbelievable stories, we’d stroke our bumfluff-covered jaws and say, ‘chinny reckons’. It was a cutting judgement that few recovered from.

I’m calling chinny reckons on the above. 

People who choose to believe the unbelievable are either supremely gullible, have a weak grip on reality, have too firm a grip on an agenda, or have a mental illness. The problem is, there’s quite a lot of them and they’re often very vocal. They also have social media now, which means they can find each other and amplify the stupidity/delusion.

This is all exacerbated by the anti-expert culture that’s been whipped up by world leaders and (mostly) right-wing commentators or self-proclaimed ‘independent journalists’. Why believe an epidemiologist with 30 years’ devotion to a complex science when you’ve got that Facebook video your Aunt Janet shared?

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I mock, but it can all turn very nasty. It only takes a few hundred people to go around coughing in people’s faces before people start dying. Or one very stupid person with a gun to head to a pizza restaurant looking to off some paedos. 

Most conspiracy theories have one thing in common – they give governments and government agencies (and billionaires) far too much credit. Have you looked at your government lately? Do you think that it's are capable of such perfectly executed and comprehensively hidden subterfuge? 

Precisely. 

However, governments do foment conspiracy theories. Conspiracy theorists exist because governments act conspiratorially – and it’s not always that hidden.

They assassinate people in their own and other countries. They conspire with people to agitate, resist and push for regime change (even the Dalai Lama had a nice six-figure salary from the US as part of its funding of Tibetan resistance). They carry out questionable medical research. They sweep crimes under the carpet if it’s politically convenient. They hand cushy contracts and jobs to their pals. They employ people to manipulate social media (and the people using it). They spy on their citizens. They spy on other countries’ citizens. They turn a blind eye to corporate cover-ups and tax evasion. They fake reasons to go to war.

Oh, and they gently encourage conspiracy theories that conveniently distract from their own failings and ill-doings. 

These are things that governments are capable of and actually carry out. Which means it’s absolutely right to question them. As I said, a healthy level of distrust in authority is a must for all, with the emphasis on the word ‘healthy’.

While the more illogical theories are about as healthy as shoving a red hot nine-iron up your hole and are rightfully mocked or condemned, as long as we allow administrations and organisations to get away with (sometimes literally) murder, the Believers’ particular form of potentially dangerous, but politically useful, delusion will always exist.

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