America, it's not ALL about you. There are loads of reasons to set off fireworks, not just Biden beating Trump

Some American news outlets reported fireworks in London and church bells ringing out in Paris to celebrate Joe Biden’s victory over Donald Trump. Er, no, it was just the world going about its business as usual.

“Remember, remember the 5th of November, gunpowder, treason and plot. We see no reason why gunpowder treason should ever be forgot”

Every Brit knows this little rhyme, it's about a bloke called Guy Fawkes who failed to blow up the Houses of Parliament along with the King when he was due to pay a visit a little while ago. 

But it appears a good number of US journalists do not remember the fifth of November, nor are they curious enough to Google its significance in Britain. This is presumably why they breathlessly reported fireworks were being let off over London and Edinburgh following Joe Biden apparently winning the presidential election.

Afraid not, America. Here's a quick history lesson. Guy Fawkes was caught with a box of matches and about 36 barrels of gunpowder under the Houses of Parliament on 5th November 1605. This was the same day King James was due to pop down and do his ceremonial State Opening of Parliament thing. The plan was to blow the whole thing sky-high.

It didn't happen though. They nabbed Guy and his co-conspirators. He was tried, found guilty of high treason, then sentenced to death. Not by lethal injection or the electric chair. Oh no. They did things a little differently back then.

He was dragged backwards by a cart through the streets of London to a green outside Parliament. When he arrived there battered and torn, they hung him by his neck until he was nearly dead... but not quite. Then they cut off his genitals and burnt them in front of his eyes. After this, they ripped out his heart and guts, chopped off his head and dissected his body into four big chunks. To be put on display across the kingdom.

Nice touch.

Even Steve Bannon didn't go that far. He only suggested America's infectious diseases guru Dr Anthony Fauci and FBI director Christopher Wray have their heads chopped off and put on display outside the White House 'as a warning' to federal bureaucrats. 

Anyway, gunpowder plot or not. The truth is that most Brits couldn't give a stuff about Guy Fawkes or King James nor any of this history stuff. It most certainly is not a sign of patriotism. 

Bonfire Night is a blast! It's a great excuse to blow things up, light fireworks, set fire to an effigy of poor Guy and a huge stack of wood and, well, make lots of noise and have loads of fun.

Just the same as most of us don’t really give a stuff about Joe Biden winning the race to be President, certainly not enough to start setting off fireworks. On Saturday loads of fireworks went off in the UK for one very simple reason. For many kids this was their Bonfire Night, on account of the fifth of November being on Thursday – a school night. 

But of course self-obsessed journalists in the US thought it MUST be for the Biden announcement, how could it possibly be for anything else! Praise the Lord! Donald is gone, and even the Brits are celebrating!

They even thought the French had got in on the act when bells rang out in Paris. Sacré bleu! They must be for Biden too! Nope. Notre Dame and other churches were simply ringing their bells for what they were made for; to call people to prayer. The 6pm Mass was due to begin just after the Biden call to the Presidency. 

America. On the rare occasion you actually look beyond your own borders, don't assume it's ALL about you. You see, America. Your President is not the only narcissist.

There are 7.5 billion people on planet Earth, only 350million of those live in the USA. There are almost 200 sovereign states, all with their own slightly different cultures and reasons for kids to go around setting fire to things.

In Spain, for example, they're always lighting fireworks – especially on Sant Joan at the end of June. Even small towns have their own festive occasions, in a place called Badalona next to Barcelona, for example, they burn a massive wooden demon on the beach every May. It has nothing to do with America, not even a tiny little bit. Lots of things don’t. Sorry.

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