Rand Paul owns warmongers in epic 'Festivus Twitterstorm'
Taking a break from the busy legislative season, US Sen. Rand Paul (R-Kentucky) had a field day on Twitter, roasting President Donald Trump, Lindsey Graham and John Bolton among others.
Paul, who, like other lawmakers, headed home for the holidays amid an ongoing partial government shutdown, has been using his spare time to make jabs at a few "people in Washington," sparing neither fellow senator, Trump advisor, nor the president himself.
You’ll be surprised to learn I have some grievances with people in Washington, fellow members and others. It’s time to talk about them now, because it’s the holiday season.
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2018
Paul, who has praised Trump's decision to pull troops out of Syria, tore into the warmongering ways of National Security Adviser John Bolton and Senator Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina) – even comparing the latter to Star Wars arch-villain Palpatine (who, coincidentally, was a galactic Senator before becoming the dark Emperor).
Paul pitied Graham for being forced to witness American troop numbers in the Middle East dwindle and thus having to make do with the several other wars the US is still in.
I have to tell you; I haven’t seen a Senator who loves war this much since the Star Wars Prequels. pic.twitter.com/UFU242XYQK
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2018
Taking aim at Bolton, Paul tweeted that he would be delighted to see his face when Trump told him about his decision to leave Syria.
Well, actually…let’s talk about John Bolton. I don’t have a grievance. I just really would have liked to have been in the room when the POTUS told him to END a war. How many times do you think he made the President repeat it because he didn’t even know what the words meant?
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2018
At this rate, Bolton's White House stay might just be the opposite of what he had bargained for – and Paul is totally OK with that.
I opposed John Bolton being hired. But I really can’t think of anything that makes me happier then thinking of him having to end wars for the rest of his time in the White House.
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2018
Showing himself to be a merciful winner, Paul promised to "go a bit easier" on the war advocates this year.
I’m going to go a bit easier on the grievances against the neocons and warmongers this year though. The Weekly Standard has folded, wars are ending — I really think their holiday is already bad enough, I don’t want to pile on.
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2018
Paul said he "honestly" likes Trump, and even shared advice on how to mitigate some of the president's downsides – such as Trump’s inability to keep staff around. Paul praised one of the few people who've managed to hold on for a respectable amount of time: budget director, acting chief of staff and self-confessed "right-wing nut job" Mick Mulvaney.
Let’s start with POTUS I like the President, I honestly do. I know people don’t believe me. But the man seems to have a problem keeping staff around him. But they solved the problem. I went to the White House the other day and there were at least 14 ppl in Mick Mulvaney masks. pic.twitter.com/u0nnGWQ7V0
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2018
Paul called Mulvaney "a good friend" who had served on Paul's own presidential campaign –probably not the best example to bring up, the senator admitted.
Mick is a good friend of mine, in fact a lot of people probably don’t remember he was the national co-chair for my Presidential campaign. Uh oh, probably just got him fired. pic.twitter.com/3jH3ZsZh8r
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2018
Paul joked that his long phone calls with the President had not contributed in the least toward the justice reform he supports, highlighting Trump’s notorious inability to listen to anyone but himself.
People are saying that with the recent passage of criminal justice reform, and coming home from wars, that I have a lot of influence on the President. It is true I’m on the phone with him a good amount. But I have to tell you, I haven’t gotten a word in on him in over a year.
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2018
The Kentucky Senator, a supporter of the border wall, suggested some impressive-looking improvements to Trump's "artistically designed steel slats."
I did something to help the President out though. I found him a wall I think will work on the border. pic.twitter.com/gx7ejwn1RU
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2018
Trump's son-in-law and Middle Eastern policy adviser, Jared Kushner, tasked with finding a solution to the Palestinian-Israeli deadlock, earned a comparison with the son of Satan from a 1976 supernatural horror classic.
Speaking of criminal justice reform, I have to give Jared Kushner credit. He was great on this. And I’m glad I got to know him, because before that I was a bit suspicious he was the kid from the Omen movie all grown up.
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2018
Not the best candidate to lead a peace process, according to Paul.
And folks, that is NOT who you want in charge of your Middle East peace plans.
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2018
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) tripped over his newly-grown beard when he tried to escape Paul's jests.
Congress has now decided to shut down the government because they aren’t spending enough money. I got suspicious when Ted Cruz came back from Thanksgiving break with that beard. pic.twitter.com/y0r3dpFbbG
— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2018
The Festivus “Airing of grievances”, which comes from a fictional holiday created by author Daniel O'Keefe and popularized by the famous “The Strike” episode of the TV show Seinfeld, has become an annual tradition for Paul. Festivus is celebrated as an alternative to and in protest of the commercialized Christmas holidays on December 23.
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