Amid ongoing impeachment efforts, the American press has uncovered a damning scandal in the White House: President Donald Trump uses bigger salt and pepper shakers than his guests. Surely the president is finished now.
The mainstream media that dropped such bombshells as “Donald Trump eats KFC with a fork and knife like a true maniac” and “Trump gets 2 scoops of ice cream, everyone else gets 1” is at it again. CBS News’ Mark Knoller blew the lid off a major scandal on Thursday when he revealed, wait for it, that Trump uses a larger pair of salt and pepper shakers than his guests.
Knoller’s claim was later verified by Voice of America’s Steve Herman, who pointed out that POTUS’ shakers “are indeed larger than those for his guests.”
With the ‘Shakergate’ conspiracy out in the open, Business Insider did a deep dive, combing photo archives to discover that Presidents Obama, Bush, and Clinton were practically suppertime socialists, using the same shakers as their dining partners. Author James Pasley suggested that the shakers could be “another power move” for the president, “alongside his fierce handshakes and bulky suits.”
Like conspiracy theorists circling photos of the moon landing, the Business Insider graphics team even highlighted the photos with red circles and arrows, just in case you missed the evidence.
Trump’s supporters were incredulous. “You have reached peek (sic) Trump Derangement Syndrome when you get triggered by his salt shaker,” one tweeted. “OMG! Stop the presses! Add this to the Articles of Impeachment,” another jeered.
As ‘Shakergate’ hit the headlines, commenters debated why Trump dared to break from tradition so boldly. Was it a power move? Do his bigger shakers allow the secret service to more easily check for poison? Does Trump take a special variety of salt? Are his shakers the only real ones on the table?
Theories aside, one safe assumption is that Friday evening was a slow one at Business Insider’s newsroom.
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