Detachable penis: French statue’s new theft deterrent is a real-life King Missile song

A statue in the French town of Arcachon woke up this morning with a bad hangover and its penis was missing again. This happens all the time. It's detachable.

It comes in handy a lot of the time as local authorities can leave it in a safe place away from thieves. They can also rent it out for special events when the statue doesn’t need it.

Every now and then after people went to a party and got drunk, they would steal the appendage and the next morning, the 3-meter (10ft) tall statue of the Greek mythological hero Heracles couldn’t for the life of him remember what we did with it.

First police looked around Parc Mauresque and the city and couldn't find it. When they called up the place where the party was, they hadn't seen it either, but suggested they check the medicine cabinet, 'cause for some reason, they leave it there sometimes. But not this time, or anytime, even when police told them if it pops up to let them know.

They were starting to get desperate as they really didn't like being without the statue’s penis for too long.

It makes him feel like less of a man. And they really hate to have a metal rod in its place every time they hold a ceremony.

After years of searching and calling everyone they could think of, city officials started to get very depressed about the “systematic” robberies.

“I wouldn't want anyone - not even my worst enemies - to go through what happens to this statue" - Mayor Yves Foulon told Sud Ouest.

So they went to Le Bouchon du Marche and ate breakfast. Then as they walked down Deganne Boulevard toward Place de l’Aiguillon, where all those people read books and other junk by the beach, they saw his penis lying on a blanket, next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it.

They had to buy it off him. He wanted 22 euros, but they talked him down to 17.

They took it back to the municipal storage facility, washed it off, and put it back on during the next event.*

The statue was happy again, complete.

*Ed. note: These three paragraphs may not have actually happened.

People sometimes tell the city they should get it permanently attached again, but Deputy Mayor Martine Phelippot said: "This is the best solution, otherwise you just end up constantly chasing after the anatomy of Heracles."

Even though sometimes it's a pain in the a*s, they like having a detachable penis.