‘Too much masturbation’ makes it hard to join Chinese army

Habits such as excessive masturbation and an over indulgence in soft drinks have been pinpointed as reasons for a poor crop of youths trying out for the China’s People’s Liberation Army (PLA).

Alarm bells are ringing within security circles in China over the condition of potential army recruits, with the Ministry of Defence reporting a “staggering” increase in physical examination failures among hopefuls.

According to the report, failure reached 56.9 per cent this year in one unidentified city.

“Seeing an 18-year-old man in a bunch of twists and turns in the physical examination [gave us] cause for thought. What is the problem?” the report on the ministry website asks.Well, the conclusion appears to be, according to those charged with China’s defence, that poor dietary decisions and lifestyle habits are crippling wannabe soldiers’ potential.

Well, the conclusion appears to be, according to those charged with China’s defence, that poor dietary decisions and lifestyle habits are crippling wannabe soldiers’ potential.

Ailments consistently discovered during examinations included liver and kidney damage.

“Some experts believes the reasons [to be].... Long-term consumption of soft drinks… wine drinks, hot pot, fatty food… staying up late,” the report states.

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Meanwhile, a dependence on mobile and computer devices accounted for 46 per cent of army trialist failures, with the fixation on screens apparently hampering their depth of vision.

Strangely, masturbation is also seen as problem affecting the future ranks of the Chinese military, with the Ministry of Defence warning that it causes enlarged varicose veins.

The news has resulted in a number of people mocking the condition of prospective soldiers online.

However, the People’s Liberation Army has since moved to quell fears over the quality of successful recruits.

“The quality of our recruits is guaranteed, and the headwaters of our military will flow long and strong,” a PLA statement read.