Florida man seeks legal right to wed ‘porn-filled’ computer

Pleading his case on behalf of an overlooked ‘sexual minority,’ Chris Sevier seeks court approval to exchange wedding vows with his computer.

Although many people are known to swear their unbridled love and devotion to Apple products, Chris Sevier may be taking his passion a bit too far.

If same-sex partners are legally permitted to “marry their object of sexual desire, even if they lack corresponding sexual parts,” Sevier says he should have the right to marry the sexual object of his choice.

That object happens to be his Apple MacBook, bugs and all.

Explaining how the relationship slipped into overdrive, Sevier said he was sold a MacBook “without filters to block out pornography.” Apparently that’s when things got out of control between the Florida man and his newly purchased appliance.

“I was not provided with any warning by Apple that pornography was highly addictive and could alter my reward cycle by the manufacturer,” part of his 24-page court document reads, as quoted by New Times. “Over time, I began preferring sex with my computer over sex with real women. Naturally, I 'fell in love' with my computer and preferred having sex with it over all other persons or things, as a result of classic conditioning upon orgasm.”

The young man, who describes himself as “a former judge advocate and combat veteran”, seems undeterred by past court rejections, filing claims not only in the state of Florida but also Utah.

A Utah court last month rejected Sevier’s court petition.

Sevier's efforts are obviously an attempt to toss a monkey wrench into the legal system because, as he states in his court filing, he is opposed to same-sex marriage, arguing that "sexual orientation" as a term was non-existent until the Obama administration began to promote a "social agenda to make America a 'gay nation.'"

Sevier argues that permitting homosexuals to marry but refusing him and his loyal Apple the same right is tantamount to discrimination.

“We are in different classes of sexual orientation,” he told the court in Utah.

If gays feel as if they are second-class citizens, Sevier argues then “those of us in the real minority, who want to marry machines and animals, certainly feel like third class citizens”.

“Allowing my marriage to go forward will not adversely impact the fertility rate any more or less than a same sex couples.

In July, Sevier filed a separate lawsuit demanding that Apple add a “safe mode” to its products that will prevent users from easily accessing pornography.

Users over 18 would be able to acquire a password from Apple to unlock the adult-only material.

Sevier went on to lambast the world of Hollywood for pushing an immoral message.

“Thanks to the gospel presented from Hollywood, the new rhetoric of the United States is that it is immoral to be moral, and the laws of the United States must reflect that or separation of church and state is violated.”

Sevier says he wants the courts to "put up or shut up" on the equal protection argument for sexual minorities seeking to tie the knot.

The Florida court tossed out Sevier’s claim, but with the same-sex debate gaining attention, more such lawsuits can be expected.