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Feds vs. Zombies: CDC officially denies 'Zombie Apocalypse'

Published time: June 02, 2012 19:25
Edited time: June 03, 2012 08:51
Horror movie culture enthusiasts dressed as zombies take part in the Helsinki Zombie Walk in Central Helsinki (REUTERS/Lehtikuva Lehtikuva)

The US Center for Disease Control has been forced to address the American public in the wake of internet rumors of a possible ‘zombie apocalypse”.

It’s hard to say which is more ‘out there’: that people believe there might be a virus that reanimates dead people, or that a federal agency actually weighed in on the issue in earnest.

The CDC has previously run a few tongue-in-cheek campaigns about zombies, using the popular theme to get the public prepared for “anything”. As the agency’s director says, “if you are generally well equipped to deal with a zombie apocalypse, you will be prepared for a hurricane, pandemic, earthquake, or terrorist attack".

But it’s now found itself in an unusual spot: having to treat the matter seriously. CDC spokesman David Daigle said the agency “does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms)”.

But it’s not reassuring the masses. Zombie conspiracies are bouncing around the Internet, becoming the third most-popular search term on Google – all after a number of unrelated, yet disturbing, incidents.

A man in Miami attacked and ate the face of his victim. The victim survived, but doctors are having a hard time piecing his face together. Then, an engineering student in Maryland allegedly stabbed a man to death and then ate his heart and brain. In Canada, police are on the hunt for a porn actor who reportedly slaughtered, dismembered, sexually-violated the body and then ate his victim.

The cause for this cannibalistic outbreak is unclear – some blame drugs, others cite psychological issues. One woman even claimed it was all because of a voodoo curse. But the human fascination with the undead is not new; it’s one of the reasons the CDC used them for an awareness campaign in the first place.

And even though they deny the existence of zombies, a kit list on their website provides readers with information about everything they may need in case a zombie does come around.

So, in case you’re feeling panicky, remember: non-perishable food, medications, a utility knife, sanitation supplies, clothing, personal documents and one gallon of water per day should keep the undead away.

Comments (46)

Alena (unregistered) 14.02.2013 13:27

One gallon of water a day.

You know people will fight to the death over water and food, right. Something that relates to the symbology of zombies in the first place about society eating itself?

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MiloliM (unregistered) 14.02.2013 08:26

I'm not sure how stupid it would be to believe a rabies pandemic could break out. I mean there is a new Bio and agro defense facility being built right in the middle of the U.S. to replace the Plum Island facility that was basically on an island in NY. The facility will hold many different cultured diseases such as foot and mouth disease, swine fever, contagious bovine pleuropneumonia, and surely rabies.  This might sound ok, but there has been question to a fault line that lays from the damn of the lake near by. Also, it just sounds a bit odd they would put contagious animal bourne diseases right in the midsts of the most fertile farming land around. "the soil breaks like choclate under a plow" and let us not forget Kansas' motto.."BLOODY KANSAS"

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Samuel (unregistered) 04.07.2012 14:09

Alright! Zombies!

Ther e is a few things to note on this.
What the MSM have been trying to do is use un realated case of cannibalism and try to discredit and bury the zombified behavoir case reported.

Of all cases, Never a cannibal would start with the face of his victim. No meat there, only skin! Well if your interessted in brain meat then this might be different!

An other odd thing is all those reported case, even in china. The agressors are described to be exibiting unhuman strenght and resiliance to attacks normal humans would never resists! For instance, being peper sprayed in the eyes directly and the man keep going foward! requiring 4-5 mens to neutralise the agressor! And also an odd hispanic brownish skin tone! gene specific bio weapon?

If you are unfamiliar with Synthia valmer bacteria i suggest you look onto it!
Fallowing the vector spread of such a virus, if the case is. We should start seeing a lot more cases of such behaviour in the next 2 weeks!

Knowin g who runs the CDC, i see it as a cruel joke for them! They know very well about a long haul 50 years in the making plan to throw the world in a manufactured appocalypse so that FEMA can jump in and microchip all non infected! Just look at the preparations Fema has been doing for the last 4 years!

And on top of that DHS purchase 450 millions hollow point rounds! WAKE UP! They are telling us what they are planning and then they are denying it! That's standard opperating procedure!

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